Did you ever have a dream so vivid and real that in the first few moments after you wake up, you feel like it really happened? Or have you ever had the same dream repeat several times? I don’t always have the best dreams so waking up with that feeling and then realizing that I was just dreaming can be a relief. On the other hand, my husband always goes on these fabulous vacations in his dreams, so I guess it must be disappointing when he wakes up and realizes that he has to go to work.
I had a 6 month follow-up appointment with my oncologist the other day. He is a such a nice man and I really do enjoy the small chit chat we engage in during each visit. Keeping the conversation flowing while he fully examines me is also very helpful (especially when you’re naked from the waist up) and calming. One thing the doc mentioned was that it has been about 2 years since I started chemo. Wow, I had not even really been counting. My response was that it is starting to feel like it “almost never really happened…” My hair is now blonde, falls between my chin and shoulders and the chemo curls/waves are definitely gone. My daily activities are normal and I have a full social calendar. So, yes, it is almost as if I had a bad dream, woke up and now feel relieved that the events of my dream never even occurred (however, in the back of my mind, I do recognize that it did actually take place).
I realize that some people process and come to terms with their cancer experiences differently. For some, they might feel stuck in their bad dream and have a hard time waking up. I was talking to my aunt (another BC survivor) over the weekend about my intent to stop Tamoxifen after 3 years. During our brief conversation I never felt like I had to explain my reasoning to her. We both agreed that it happened, we got through it and we both feel confident that it will never happen to either of us again (talk about the power of positive thinking)!
Even though I still live with some of the after effects of cancer (daily Tamoxifen pills, hot flashes, putting our family plans on hold, etc), I feel like I am in a good place and really can focus on bigger and better dreams (hopefully more of those fun vacations)!!!