Peach Fuzz

Have I ever mentioned that I’m extremely impatient?  Well, if not, then let me tell you that I am going crazy waiting for my hair to grow back – to the point that I’m having breakdowns about once a week.  I find myself looking in the mirror more frequently, only to be disappointed by the peach fuzz staring back at me. 

It all started about a month ago – at the Fair Hill Races to be exact.  My mom was snapping pictures of Bri and I and I would run back to look at the camera to see if they were acceptable.  I was just so upset looking at the pictures and felt the wig didn’t look right at all.  Then I deleted every picture and ran off crying. 

A few weeks later, we were sitting by the lake and the same exact thing happened.  My mom was playing with her new iPhone and snapping pictures of me (just wearing the bandana that day).  She thought the pictures were cute and fun, but I threw a fit, made her delete them, and again got all teary eyed. 

I mostly find myself getting upset in the following situations: when I look back at pictures of me with hair (especially from last summer), when I’m around other women and they play with their hair, and basically every morning when I get up and look in the mirror or wash my head.  One afternoon, I even found myself searching the internet for a miracle hair growth product.  True story.  I didn’t exactly find one, but I did end up buying Nioxin, which will just help my hair grow in fuller – not faster. 

I was somewhat accepting of my situation when I first shaved my head and started losing my hair, but lately it is getting harder and harder for me to feel good about the way I look (wow, that might sound shallow).  So, to save myself, let’s put it another way.  I don’t feel comfortable with the way I look or covering my head all the time.  Summer is my favorite season ever and I think the whole not having hair thing is just getting to me even more right now.  Who wants to throw on a wig, bandana, or head wrap when its 95 degrees out with 100% humidity?

During my online frenzy searching for a miracle, I also searched posts for average hair re-growth timelines.  The general consensus was that hair starts to grow about 2 months after your last chemo, by 4 months after your last chemo you may need to get a haircut, and by 7 months you may have about 2 inches of hair.  There’s also a good chance I’ll get chemo curls.  So, I’m just about approaching the 2 month post chemo mark and I don’t have much up there.  Waiting for hair to grow is killing me!  Although I’ve been comfortable with short hair in the past – after this whole experience I’m not entirely sure if I’ll ever allow myself to have short hair again.  I feel like it will just be a reminder of this whole ordeal.

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6 Responses to Peach Fuzz

  1. Aunt Patti says:

    While I have always thought that you had great hair, it was a very small part of what makes you the beautiful woman that you are. I don’t think you are shallow at all–I know how impatient I get after just a bad haircut…it seems it will never grow out. But it does, and yours will, and it will be fun to see the progression and changes it goes through.

  2. Alexis,

    Thanks for the link… those are some great ideas! I will have to give some of them a try! I am so happy to hear that your insurance finally agreed to pay for your fertility treatments! I’m sure that is such a relief. And I know EXACTLY how you feel about being frustrated with the slow hair growth! Mine is pretty much going at the same rate as yours (I believe we finished chemo around the same time?) and every day it bothers me more and more that I don’t have my long hair anymore! (Whereas, for the first few months of being bald, I didn’t really care.) The wig/hats are definitely annoying during the summer. Just know that you are not alone in wishing for hair! (I also get jealous when I see other girls with the kind of hair that I used to have!) The good news is that both our hair WILL grow back and this time next year we will feel much, much better! I hope that you and your family have a wonderful 4th of July weekend!


  3. amyreinink says:

    Sweet girl! I know you didn’t post this so we can all say, “No, no, you’re gorgeous” and say a bunch of schmoopy stuff, but you’re gonna get that anyway. So: You’re gorgeous. You radiate kindness, wit and thoughtfulness, and the source of your beauty has nothing to do with the length of your hair and everything to do with the sun of your smile and the sound of your laugh. I’m impatient, too, and I know it’s got to be excruciating to have to wait for a symbol of recovery that you want SO badly. But know that your peach fuzz is a sign of your strength, and that your strength is your most beautiful feature of all!

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