Aaaand I’m Back (sorta)

I won’t lie – the first week after treatment was harsher than I expected.  By Thursday, my energy level was still only at about 55%.  I’ve been sleeping more than usual and spending more time doing nothing.  I think my spirits are also not 100% and that is bothering me too.  It is really hard to remain cheerful on the outside when you feel so blah on the inside (not that anyone expects me to, these are clearly my own ridiculous expectations).  But I do feel more like myself everyday, so I’m just taking it one day at a time.

Food still does not taste right.  Unfortunately, I am loving sweets.  Things I can taste: jelly (feels good when its nice and cold), dark chocolate, chocolate milk, vanilla extract (tastes great in coffee), cucumbers, garlic, and super sweets like cupcakes with extra frosting (YUM)!

Wednesday: After being super annoyed that things taste horrible, I opened my mouth and looked inside.  No mouth sores (thank god), but my tongue was completely white.  I looked some stuff up online and diagnosed myself with thrush – basically a fungus in my mouth (don’t you wish you were me).  I called my nurse mom and she told me to call the doc for a prescription.  They gave me an oral mouth rinse (Nystatin) that you swish and swallow 4x a day for 10 days.  The whiteness on my tongue is gone, but I was kind of hoping the thrush was the cause of my taste buds being screwed up.  Sadly no.  The taste problem is just the chemo.

Despite not feeling 100%, I decided to go back to the gym on Thursday.  I did an easy workout:  35 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes of weights.  I was trying not focus on the germ factor of being in a gym, but I was obsessive compulsive about overly wiping everything down before and after I touched it.  And I refused to sit on their mats to stretch. 

Friday was our pizza party and I was so looking forward to it.  Ah, if only it tasted good.  Nope.  I added salt and garlic powder to make the pizza taste okay.  I had a little breakdown on Friday night too – mostly because I was experiencing some pain and I just want my body to feel normal.  I’m sick of being tired and not feeling right.  My mom keeps reminding me that its only temporary and Bri keeps reminding me that all of this bad stuff will eventually help me feel good. 

There have been so many changes and a need for trial and error, that we have literally been to some sort of store to pick up stuff at least once a day.  The good thing is that I now know what I need for next time.  In the meantime, I’m afraid to check our bank statement!

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2 Responses to Aaaand I’m Back (sorta)

  1. JBBC says:

    Hi 🙂 Just discovered your blog and want to wish you all the best in your treatment. As a five-year breast cancer survivor, I know what you are going through, and it ain’t easy, but just hang on in there and you will come through it. Yours in health, Marie

    • Thanks Marie – I’ve been following your blog too. I find it very helpful to read about other experiences. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I can’t wait until I’m at the 5, 10, 20, etc year survivor marks!!!

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