I Crashed

As of Sunday morning after my treatment, I was just feeling okay.  We went to church in the morning and then to the grocery store.  I continued with my favorite Sunday ritual – washing and cutting all our fruits and veggies.  Bri swears that I love to chop veggies.  By 2:00 PM, I was feeling sluggish.  The weather was horrible – pouring rain and just chilly.  I decided to bundle up on the couch and watch my movie (I even allowed Jessie on the couch to snuggle).  My body was starting to feel achy.  Still nothing tastes right, so I’ve been hungry.  I ate some of Bri’s string cheese.  YES!  Finally, I taste the saltiness and try not to think about the processed food that I’m putting into my body.

Bri had some kind of spicy pasta and chicken dish on the menu for Sunday night.  I seasoned the crap out of the chicken and felt good that the spiciness should help solve some of my problems.  Nope.  Unfortunately, the meal only tasted okay once I loaded on the salt.  Ugh, such unhealthy habits when I’m trying to treat my body good.  I did manage to eat a full meal (after the salt) and felt satisfied so that was good.  However, I just still was not feeling quite like myself.  I had no energy and no motivation to do anything (very un-Alexis like).

I’ve also been feeling feverish, but don’t have a fever.  My face has been flush, I’ve had the chills from the inside, and I’ve broken out into sweats.  I normally have low body temps (97 ish) and my temp has been staying at that or lower.  By Sunday, I was also starting to have difficulty swallowing and noticed that really cold drinks feel so good going down – bring on the ice cubes.

The alarm went off Monday morning and it was just dreadful.  Bri pleaded with me not to go to work.  I eventually gave in – THANK GOD!  I was going downhill fast.  My energy was completely zapped.  My hair felt all gross from all my night sweats and I was having some other issues that I won’t mention here (but serious enough to land me in the hospital if untreated).  Bri was determined to make me rest, but also make me do some things and see the light of day.  My day seemed to involve a sequence of events of one short activity followed by one long nap.  Take a shower and dry my hair, then rest on the couch for 2 hours.  Return a movie to the library and pickup a few things from Wal-Mart, and then rest for a few hours.  Ugh.  At one point, I had the chills so bad that I just had to have Bri wrap himself around me to keep me warm.  I was just miserable.  I experimented with other foods today.  I had a smoothie for breakfast.  It wasn’t so much the taste that I liked, but rather the way it felt going down – nice and cold.  By mid afternoon, we were starving.  I had discovered on Sunday morning that graham crackers and peanut butter tasted good.  So, I decided to try a PB&J sandwich for lunch on Monday.  It felt good to eat since it was soft, but I was mostly looking forward to tasting the sweetness from the jelly.  Yup, I had cut out refined sugars and I’m slowly giving in as I just need something to taste right.  Right now, it seems that it’s just sweet and salty that things that taste right.  Bri had a pickle with his turkey sandwich and I was gagging over the smell of pickle juice – yuck.  We walked the dog together and it felt good to get some fresh air.  I still felt horrible, but I’m glad I made myself get out of the house and just get my legs moving.  Our neighbor (thanks Bryn) brought over some soup and we decided to have that for dinner.  It was a cheesy chicken soup with vegetables and thank the lord, it tasted great.  And I didn’t have to put any salt or seasonings into it!

After dinner, it was back to the couch.  Surprisingly, I dozed in and out of naps and slept throughout the night.  I don’t think I’ve ever slept so much in my entire life.

Other side effects:  My lips are really chapped and my face, chest, and back has started to break out (like really bad).  I’m not happy about this – I’ve felt so horrible on the inside these last 2 days and now I don’t think I’m prepared to feel horrible on the outside too.

Tuesday day/night:  I made it into work today and walked Jessie 2 miles!  It felt so great to be outside.  I was still sluggish and achy, but I’ve definitely improved.  My mouth tastes like I’ve licked a million envelopes.  It is really gross and I can’t get rid of this taste.  My coworker brought in donuts for Fat Tuesday – she’s determined to make us all a lil pudgy.  I found myself grabbing a piece of a chocolate donut with chocolate chips.  Whoa, who am I?   I could really taste the richness and sweetness of the chocolate chips.  We had fish, risotto, and salad for dinner.  With salt, this meal tasted okay.  I had a salad for lunch so I skipped the salad with dinner – not much of an appetite.  I’m starting to feel more like myself and improvement is good.

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6 Responses to I Crashed

  1. amyreinink says:

    An Olympic runner and athletic trainer I interviewed in Gainesville once told me he gives all his clients this advice: “Repeat after me: Rest is training. Rest is training.” It’s like your body just went through the ultimate speed workout to prep for the ultimate race, and needs all the rest you can give it to capitalize on that. So lay down, and let Dr. Bri take care of you!

    Also, we’ve learned from Steve’s mom that the No. 1 most important nutritional goal during chemo is to keep up your weight, which requires that you eat whatever’s palatable—sugary or not. Only once you can do that should you worry about veggie intake, sugar intake, etc. If you find something that tastes good, GO WITH IT!

    Sorry for the absurdly long comment … keep resting, and I know the worst of it will pass soon.

  2. Jessi says:

    Your story is so honest & inspiring… lots of positive thoughts and sunshine to you!! 🙂

  3. Weaver says:

    I cant stop thinking about you and B…You are inspiring and make me want to live my life to the fullest! I thank you for sharing your journey! Know that we are behind you!

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