Biopsy Blues

Before I left my surgeon’s office on Nov. 11, I scheduled my biopsy.  I try not to think about this too much, but I do have one regret – not being flexible with my schedule.  After all we were 95% convinced this was nothing, so holding off another week would not be so bad.  I had a major project and presentation due for Corporate Strategy class on Nov. 18.  So, I scheduled the biopsy for Nov. 19 – a week and a half after my initial discovery.

Bri took off work to take me to the appointment and be there afterwards.  At first, I did not think this was necessary, but now I am really glad he was there for me. 

I was feeling good that morning.  I got up early (as usual) and squeezed in my own “turkey trot” 10K.  Bri, Mark, and I ran the turkey trot last year.  The 2010 turkey trot was Nov. 20 and I was not allowed to run for a few days after the biopsy.  So, why not run my own turkey trot.  My run was not as fun as a race, but it did leave me feeling energized and confident. 

The biopsy itself was not painful.  I actually did not feel a thing.  But, a flood of emotions overcame me.  This surprised me, as I had been so strong and composed all along.  I think I had finally realized the reality of a “5%” chance of an unfavorable outcome.  The tech and surgeon really had to make an effort to calm me down.  They convinced me to go to my happy place.  Where is that?  On a beach of course.  I specifically focused on our honeymoon 4 years earlier – probably my favorite and most relaxing beach vacation.  The procedure continued and was relatively quick, maybe lasting 10 minutes total.  I was done!  I felt awkward getting dressed.  I needed help and felt like someone had just punched my chest.  I felt that the technician should have asked me if I needed help, rather than the other way around.  I sometimes have trouble asking for help, so it took me a few minutes of struggling with my sports bra before I finally asked. 

Out to the waiting room to find Bri.  He was really surprised that I was out so quick (so was I).  I quickly ran out the door and lost it.  I know why I was emotional in the procedure room.  Unfortunately, my ambivalent feelings had returned.  What happened to my strength and composure?  I think afterwards I was just uncomfortable and felt a little violated (does not make sense I know).  There was just a needle probing into my chest – that has never happened to me before and I did not know what to expect.

The rest of day, I relaxed on the couch – very uncharacteristic of me.  I watched Marmaduke.  Any movie with talking animals is a movie for me.  It was hilarious.  Bri was doing odds and ends around the house and could hear me cracking up.  This movie was the perfect dose of medicine.  Since, it was a Friday, it was also “Pizza Party” night – now my favorite night of the week.  As always, we made some delicious creations.  I continued the day with naps and finally watched The Blindside.

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